Isn’t Age just a Number?

Isn’t Age just a Number?

 

Pabitra Ghimire (kalu)

Oh my god! What a shameless woman she is. She is wearing so short hot pant which does not suit her. She looks old but dresses up as a young girl. What a stupid man he is dating such an old lady! Nobody will marry her because her time has gone, youth has gone. Who would marry her? You do not have a dressing sense. You have to dress up according to your age. One should get married on time when he/she is young. Why aren’t you getting married, when are you getting married? You may not find the candidate to get married if you don’t get married on time? Does it make any difference in relationship, marriage, dress up, or to start anything in our lives? Does it define us and our destiny? Why do we make ourselves old? Why do people regret growing older? Actually what is the age? It is not our age that counts, but our attitude. Why don’t we take as a privilege to be wiser and happier when we grow up? Why do people hide their real biological age and deny to be more matured mentally? It seems that we have made an age for everything, an age to learn and study, and age to have fun, an age to get married, and age to have kids, and age to be successful and an age where you are too old to do anything that you basically die before you are really dead. Age is an issue of mind over matter.  if you don’t mind; it does not matter at all. It is just the number. It is all about your perception and attitude.

Few years back, a woman got married at the age of 44. She was in a relationship with a young guy before she got married. As she got married, she was largely criticized by the society and people with lots of humiliating and dominating words. At the same time, the man who got married with the lady was shown a sympathy saying that he made a wrong decision; he should not have married with an old lady. Why are people so judgmental in others’ happiness and personal decision? Getting married is completely a private affair.

Last year, Abishek (name changed) had been searching for a girl to get married. He looked numerous girls and went on dates with few girls. Finally, he made a conclusion that there is no such appropriate girl for him. The problem was he wanted a girl younger than him. If a woman is older than a man by biological age people consider such relationship is abnormal, which is totally pointless. It has no such scientific reasons to be proven. Nowhere, it is written that woman should be younger than man while getting married. Both men and women should avoid the belief that age should be an important issue in relationships. Most people confuse age with maturity and knowledge that individuals have. Maturity and knowledge are what really can affect relationships. People should evaluate whether their relationships are enhancing the lives of each other. If this is the case, then it means that they are compatible and their relationship can last for a longer period.

As opposed to age, the maturity of individuals in relationships is important. Maturity means that an individual is able to make good decisions that are supported by reason. Such individuals can make a relationship enjoyable and strong every day.

 

Nowadays, people get married much later compared to a few generation back.  Things have changed, time has changed. Women also want to be economically independent, completing their education to some extent. However, they get pressurized by the family and society to get married at their 20s and have kids. If the women are not married in their 20s, they get questioned for not getting married on time. In some situations, women are blamed and criticized by the society assuming that there must be something wrong with those women. But what’s bad in it? , what’s wrong in it? People are living longer, holding up better , and have more entertainments to pursue, so less drive to hurry up and ‘settle down’  and crank out kids. Reliable birth control can be quite empowering. Women fear being trapped in loveless or abusive marriages. Fear for self and the kids. Whereas, men worry about getting divorced, robbed by the courts and not getting to see their kids. Both men and women worry about adultery. With divorce rates so high, and many of the remaining marriages not looking like some model a lot of us would want to be in, taking plenty of time to bide your time and do the best you can, ‘see what comes along,’ makes sense to some people. In a traditional single income family structure, the family went where the man’s job was, and the couple adapted around the demands on his work. Many women now work and have their own agendas and ambitions. So, t here is no harm in getting married late, as far you are doing something constructive about life or searching for a partner objectively.

Marriage system in Nepal has varied throughout history. Age difference was no issue in ancient times while getting married. Males happily used to get married with the elderly females. People did not use to hide their biological age. Actually, age was not an issue for them. As time passed, this conception also changed.

Kritika name changed was weaning short dress and going on a vacation in Bali. She posted the pictures on social media. Soon after her post, people started commenting about her dressing sense. What a stupid woman! Same on her! Being an old lady, wearing such childish dress and posting pictures on social media. She has completely gone mad. What type of society is it? What is so bad in wearing a comfortable dress? What is the relation between wearing dress and age? Where has it been written that people should dress up, think, walk and all as per their physical age? Is it a constitution that people must follow? The truth about age is that it’s an illusion, because we are free to do whatever we love to do whenever we want and above all our dreams don’t have an expiration date and it’s never too early or too late to chase them, and at any given moment we have the power to decide what we want to become and go and do whatever we can to become the person we always wanted to be. Our life is completely under our control, and is not age that controls us, because a number will be just a number if we do not give any power.

People have always been interested in the ageing process of women and women are judged by their appearance more than by chronology and their attitude and manner. A woman’s body is in many ways the opposite of a man’s body. Women look physically mature than men because their physical development occurs faster than men’s. So, let’s not judge the women on the basics of their physical appearance.

The significant thing in our life is to know that age is not what matters, because what really matter in our life is our attitude, our faith, commitment and perseverance. Of course our age indicates the passage of time, and so we have more difficulties at certain age, but the key to live our life to the fullest resides in our mind, there is nothing that can stop us to reaching our goals if we believe that everything is possible. Our mind is everything, and we should never let age interfere with us.

We all human beings pass through different stages in our life. As our life begins with infancy and moves towards through age. As we grow up, physically we look different. Looking physically different doesn’t mean we lose our youthfulness and mental energy.  We have more spirit, enthusiasm, zeal, charm and prosperity and all. Your physical appearance does not define how young or how old you are. Being young means being vigorous and alert which leads any individual to destination of life.  Youth is considered to be full of pleasure and romance. Young people need to be authority to be loved as they are full of hypnotic charm and attraction. But youth is, furthermore, responsible to complete some duties and responsibilities because young has to advance the society through the apt use of their creative potential and richly acquired vigor and enthusiasm.

However, as we pass different stages of life, we start becoming physically weak.

People lose many possessions they owned in their youth. They start feeling weaker and weaker.  They gradually become weak, passive and infertile in their activeness. They blame the time for their weakness. They think time has transformed them and their enthusiasm charm. They feel like their alertness has been looted by the time. They themselves make them psychologically tortured by the new traditions which new generations follow. Sometime they realize it is deculturation and it deforms the social values and norms: the young betray the old seem to be unwilling to preserve cultural heritage which preserve their dignity and identification.  

Nevertheless, if our mental will power is strong nothing matters us.

It is wonderful when a person finds true love no matter how old this “love” is. Such a couple will be happy even if other people criticize this union. However, the age difference should be considered where possible. Age differences that are not significant are recommendable. However, the age difference should not be the only thing that should be evaluated by individuals who need to enter into a serious relationship. People should evaluate whether they have a true love for each other and will be committed to love each other regardless of future challenges. True love should be the guide in making the decision to engage in a serious relationship that is to grow into a marriage. These relationships can last for a longer period as compared to those pegged on the age of one partner.

Some people get married at the age of 25 get kids after ten years. Some get married at the age of 40 and have kid after a year. Whereas some remain happily unmarried throughout their lives. Some people complete their education in their early age but cannot find the job they want for ten years. At the same time, some complete their education at the age of 35 and find a job after a year. Some become director at the age of 25 and die at 50. Whereas some get the post of director at the age of 50 and live till 90 happily. Barak Obama got retired from  president  of America at the age of 55 and got retired. However, Donald Trump became president of America at the age of 70. Some people achieve the things in their early age where as some achieve later. So, let’s not compare with others and get disappointed. Everything is not applied with everybody. There is no such hard and fast rule for doing things, studying, and achieving anything in life. It is never too late for anything to start and achieve in life. Let’s make our mental age stronger. Let’s give 100% in whatever we do.

Thus, let’s give less importance to age and more importance to our mind and attitude, because we cannot achieve anything and live a happy life if we don’t believe in ourselves. Remember age is just a number so don’t let it control your life, age only indicates that you are alive to keep being happy, having fun, enjoying life, laughing, learning, dreaming, smiling and to keep living your life to the fullest! Let’s feel young, dynamic, productive and romantic even though our physical appearance is feeble, infertile and painful. Because young feeling lures everyone’s heart of angelic beauty and charm. Surely, age is just the number.  It is a process that occurs over time at the time that it’s supposed to.